Dear Giada, how can I get your life?

Although quality certainly matters to me when it comes to eating, there's still nothing that quite compares to the euphoria I feel when faced with massive amounts of food, for example at all-you-can-eat buffets. Surprise — I'm a glutton! What's that you say? You're not surprised? Well, congratulations on your powers of inference; now shut up.

Anyway, given my happiness at seeing a well-laid spread, I was of course delighted to discover "Behind the Bash," new to the Food Network this season. Giada De Laurentiis follows the preparations for big celebrations like a benefit for the NYFD thrown by Dennis Leary or a Grammy after party.

I fully expected to spend the last few minutes of each episode salivating over the reveal of the banquet tables. But surprisingly, I found that I was rarely that impressed with what I saw. I think that the cinematography is mostly to blame, as the shots of the party itself never seem to provide a satisfyingly close view of the food — and definitely not the lingering, and I'm sure loving bordering on obsessive, gaze that I would give to everything.

However, the episode that I saw most recently was an exception. In the episode, Giada took the viewer behind the bash to celebrate the 40th anniversary of "Days of Our Lives." I was a little bored with the time she spent going through the wardrobe closet and checking out the set. But the food, oh, the food! Seeing the abundant vittles being scooped onto partygoers' plates, I let out several involuntary exclamations. And had to restrain myself from clenching my fists and shaking them at the TV in violent envy of Giada's life.

Then I noticed something that gave me a little bit of hope; I recognized Giada's husband and best friend from the "Chefography" episode that covered her life. They were hanging out at the party with Giada! So now I have a new goal in life: to seek out a friend who can open up this world of culinary pleasure to me. Not to be desparate, but if you know anyone, um, please send them my way.